#001 - Action

[badbadguy]

[Did you know that National Donut Day was a thing? Because Westar didn't. Or at least, he didn't until about an hour ago, when he overheard some people mention it. And, well... What was he supposed to do, just ignore it? No, that wouldn't be his style.

So instead he went to Venture City's popular donut shop, The Hole Thing, and bought all of the donuts.

This sounds like a comical exaggeration.

It isn't.

Westar, in his Hayato disguise, can be found in the park. Surrounded by boxes and boxes of donuts. Seriously, stacks of them. There's basically a fort of donut boxes in the middle of the park. A few boxes are already empty by now and he's already working his way through the next one. With impressive speed, at that. You might be thinking to yourself that it is literally impossible to eat all those donuts by yourself, but... He sure is trying his best.

...More importantly, how did he even afford all those donuts? Maybe it's better not to know.

Approach the strange, donut-obsessed weirdo at your own risk.]

Comments

[sociallyawkward]

[ Like a bloodhound on the scent of its prey, Ruby was too following her nose in search of that which eluded her. She had gone to the local donut place, The Hole Thing, in commemoration of the finest day of the year. But it had been in vain, as they had been, somehow, against all odds and reason and practicality, sold out.

But that didn't stop her nose from leading her to the next donut shop. Except, instead of a shop, it ended up being the park, where a strange man sat surrounded by donuts. ]

Oh wow, look at all those donuts!

[ Be her new best friend please? ]

[badbadguy]

[Westar is probably enjoying his miniature donut empire a little too much. Especially seeing as he's supposed to, you know, hate this world. But how could he possibly hate donuts? It was impossible, plain and simple.

Speaking of plain, he's just taking a bite from a plain sugar donut, when he hears someone. He looks up at Ruby. Rather than maybe embarrassed, he just looks proud.]

Heheh... Yes! It's the only way to properly celebrate this day! One measly donut simply will not do! Don't you agree?

[This is totally a thing humans do on National Donut Day, yes? Yes. He is a master at blending in, aw yeah.]

1/2

[sociallyawkward]

Mister, you took the words right out of my mouth! I couldn't agree more!

[sociallyawkward]

[ Ruby pauses for a moment. Then, more meekly- ]

But, uhhhh, that's still kind of a lot for one person. Want some help eating those delicious donuts?

[badbadguy]

Hm?

[He looks at the boxes... Then back to Ruby... Then back to the boxes.

...

Oh.]

...That might be true. You make a good point.

[He was kind of hoping to keep all the donuts for himself, but that might not even be possible.]

Ah... Sure. Go ahead, have some.

[sociallyawkward]

[ The very millisecond he finishes that last sentence, Ruby has at least a half-dozen donuts in her hands. Vanilla icing, jelly-filled, Boston cream, glazed, raspberry-filled, and strawberry icing. And she is in short order trying to shove them all in her mouth at once. ]

Fffnnf oo! [ Mouth-full translation: "Thank you!" ]

[badbadguy]

Uh.

[Wow, that was fast. Impressively fast, even.

He somehow manages to decipher what she's saying.]

No problem?

[evil_warriors]

[Westar... did you actually just head out into Venture City, enemy territory just to acquire massive amounts of doughnuts....

WITHOUT SHARING WITH YOUR BUDDY?!

The tellatale stink is the first sign that something's up and then mere moments later the head of the powerfully pungent and pugnacious Stinkor pops up over them.]

Doughnuts! Delicious, sweet doughnuts! Share them with Stinkor!

[badbadguy]

[...Huh. That's weird. Something smells off... Are some of the donuts past their expiration da-]

Gah!

[...Oh, it's Stinkor. Yeah, that'd explain it. Okay, brief heart attack there, but he recovers quickly.]

Ah, Stinkor. Hm... Very well! There's still plenty of them left, so help yourself! It would be wrong to deprive you of donuts on a day like today, after all.

[evil_warriors]

Hahahaha!

[At Westar's leave, Stinkor snatches up a box of doughnuts and holds it high above his head.]

Yes! These doughnuts will belong to Stinkor!

[... And then he promptly sits down on the grass and starts chomping away.

The grass appears to be withering a little around him.]

1/2

[badbadguy]

They are really great, aren't they? We didn't have food like this back home.

[Of course, Labyrinth isn't big on the whole 'people enjoying themselves in any way' thing.]

Eating them is making me feel almost completely recharged. How wonderfu-

2/2

[badbadguy]

[...

Wait a second.]

Ah...

[He stops eating and stares at the donut in his hand.]

But they're easily available to our opponents... and everyone else in this city as well. They must be experiencing a great amount of happiness because of this.

...Not good. That's not good at all.

[evil_warriors]

[Stinkor expresses something approaching agreement, but it's long as he shoves doughnuts into his stinky mouth. Stinkily.

Still, Westar raises a good point and Stinkor abruptly stops his devouring. A piece of half-chewed doughnut falls from his jaws in sudden realization.]

Ah! Doughnuts bring happiness to others?

[He's suddenly staring down at those doughnuts in horror. HOW COULD YOU BETRAY HIM, DOUGHNUTS?!]

If Stinkor allows that, then Skeletor will be very angry with Stinkor!

[Skeletor doesn't care at all, you losers.]

[badbadguy]

How could I have been so blind... How haven't I seen this before?

[And to make matters worse he's been handing them out to basically everyone. Not that he's even really thinking about that right now, but let's not forget that that is a thing he did.]

This is really bad. [And then he stops himself as he realizes something.] Well, they can't get these donuts, at least. But they sold a lot more than just donuts...

We need to do something about this right away!

[redfleurette]

[Another black hole of a stomach appears!]

That sure is a lot of donuts! Did you make this fort by yourself?

[badbadguy]

Fort?

[Westar finally pauses eating for a moment and look up.]

...Is this what a fort looks like? I see. [This is clearly important information that he needs to remember.] It just ended up like this when I started stacking the boxes.

[redfleurette]

You made a house of donuts! [Impressive!!] Say say, can you build more things with boxes?

[badbadguy]

Uh... Possibly? I've never tried, but I see no reason I shouldn't be capable of it.

[More importantly, could he make a box monster? Hm...]

[redfleurette]

Building's easy! Here—

[Whoops knocked over a few.] Oh, maybe you should eat them first!

[badbadguy]

[He looks at how many boxes are left.]

...That might take a while.

[redfleurette]

Do you not have time? How did you get them here, anyway?

[badbadguy]

I carried them, obviously!

...I had to make multiple trips, but it was worth it.

[redfleurette]

Really? Cool!! Is that your superpower, mister? [Because everyone has a superpower, obvs.]

[badbadguy]

Huh?

[WHOA WHAT HOW DOES SHE KNOW HE HAS-

...wait does she?]

I... I don't have superpowers. I'm completely normal.

[redfleurette]

Everybody has superpowers! [Her daddy told her so!]

Maybe you haven't discovered yours yet?

[badbadguy]

Ah... Uh.

[Okay, good, so she... didn't know? Well, he hoped so. He really thought he blew his cover for a second there...]

Maybe. But I'm pretty sure I just don't have any! There's plenty of hu- people around that don't!

[redfleurette]

Don't worry! Yours and everybody else's will develop soon! Maybe it'll even be something cool like donuts!

[badbadguy]

[Even though he knows it won't happen, he can't help but be intrigued.]

Donuts superpowers? [Okay, that sounds like the best thing ever.] W-Well... If I did get those, I certainly would not mind! Even though I'm not sure how they would work...

[pega_pony_princess]

"Oh wow, a box fort!"

It's only after appreciating the architecture - nay, the sheer artistry - of the fort that Cynthia realizes there's totally a guy in the middle of the fort and that he's eating stuff from the boxes.

"...hey, what are those round things you're eating?"

[badbadguy]

He's about to complain and say that, no, it's not a box fort. He wasn't even trying to really build anything, but it seemed like the best way to stack the boxes.

But then the girl keeps talking and oh dear god.

"R-Round... things...?"

It couldn't be... that she really didn't know, right? No way!

"They're donuts, obviously! You... do know what those are, right?"

[pega_pony_princess]

"Uhhh...no?"

Is that...a bad thing?

[badbadguy]

Is that a bad thing...

Oh dear god, this is serious. Westar looks almost horrified. Without saying anything right away, he opens a new box and holds out a donut for her.

"Here, eat this!"

[pega_pony_princess]

"...okay?"

Cynthia plucks it out of his hand, looking curious. She sniffs it a little before shrugging and biting in, freezing as soon as she does. With wide eyes, she stares down at the donut and chews slowly before swallowing.

The rest of it is gone within thirty seconds.

[badbadguy]

"There, see? Now you understand what donuts are and why they are important!"

Look at him, educating people. He is the coolest ever.

[pega_pony_princess]

INVADING YOUR PERSONAL SPACE

"Please be my friend!"

[badbadguy]

WHOA WAIT WHAT

What is happening right now.

What. Even.

"...Huh?"

No, seriously. Not the reaction he'd been expecting.

[pega_pony_princess]

"If you're my friend, I can learn even more about donuts, right?!"

She makes a wide, expansive gesture, taking in the stacks and stacks of pastries.

"I want to know everything about them."

[badbadguy]

"Ah, uh..."

This is... weird.

...

But not bad weird, necessarily.

"Well then! If you're so eager to learn, who am I to turn you away? Very well!"

[astronomically]

[ Mato might not have the investigative skills of other heroes, but when the local donut store tells you a blonde guy bought literally all of the donuts and you happen to be friends with a blonde guy who has an unhealthy addiction to the delicious sugary things, the dots kind of connect themselves.

And besides, those donuts stink of sugar. Seriously, she's following the smell like a cartoon mouse going after a chunk of cheese.

And she looks utterly unsurprised to see the donut fort and it's occupant -- just the opposite. She walks over and stands on tiptoe to peek over the top of the boxes and gives him a cheery salute. ]

Permission to enter the fort requested, Sir Hayato!

[badbadguy]

[...Wow, what is it about donuts that attracts just about all the teenage girls in the area? Though at least this time, Westar actually knew the girl in question.]

Permission granted!

[Westar thought he sounded pretty cool saying that.

The reality is that he's a weirdo in a makeshift fort of donut boxes and absolutely nothing about this is cool.]

What do you think, Mato? This is an excellent way to celebrate today, isn't it?

[astronomically]

[ Absolutely nothing about any of this is cool.

Mato seems to disagree though and she beams at Westar as she nudges a few of the boxes aside to climb onto the bench and plop herself down next to him. ]

Definitely! I was just going to eat one or two donuts, but you've got a whole bunch here! Are you going to eat all of them? No way you could do that!

[ she's looking around at the boxes of donuts, her mouth watering. ]

I could help! J--just one or two... boxes!

[badbadguy]

[Let's be real, they're a couple of completely uncool dorks.]

Uh... I haven't really... thought about it. [Oh, that's a surprise.] But now that you mention it...

[...

There really are a lot, aren't there? It seemed like a great idea to buy them all at the time.]

Alright, you can help! Feel free to take some.

[astronomically]

[ And that's the only cue Mato needs to pull a box of cream doughnuts onto her lap, tear the top open and begin digging in with an utterly blissful expression on her face. ]

They're gold and white and even though they've been sat out for a while, they're still as fresh as they were when they were set out! These are like gourmet doughnuts!

[ munch, munch. ]

How many have you eaten so far?

[badbadguy]

But of course! Nothing less than the best donuts would do!

[And then he pauses because, uh... good question. He just stares at some of the empty boxes.]

Uh.

[...]

A lot. I lost count.

[astronomically]

... we could work it out! We just need to know how many doughnuts are in each box and then how many boxes you've emptied!

Or we could just keep eating.

[ ... she says as she takes a massive bite out of another doughnut with an expression of pure bliss on her face. ]

How did you manage to buy them all, anyway? This isn't just a ton of donuts, this is all of them!

[badbadguy]

That's very simple! I just used all the money I had to purchase them.

[Considering his definition of 'all the donuts', he's, uh...

Probably being very literal when he's talking about all his money.

Which he totally acquired by legal and ethical means clearly, because it's not like he's evil and took all the money he found when he turned an ATM into a monster or anything like that. Don't be absurd.]

A brilliant plan, right?

[astronomically]

[ it's probably a good job that you're talking to an eccentric fourteen year old, Westar because even though she absolutely believes you, she's not going to call you out on how utterly ridiculous it is to spend so much money on donuts of all things. ]

That's real donut dedication! And since you're pouring so much money into the donut economy, that can only mean we'll get more donuts out of it!

[ 'donut' has ceased to sound like a word, but that isn't going to stop Mato from cracking open another box and digging into some chocolate donuts. Bliss. ]

[badbadguy]

Oh? I had not even thought of it that way yet! Excellent!

[Seriously his entire plan had been just...

> Buy a ton of donuts
> Eat them

...which, let's be real, is more thought than Westar usually puts into his plans.]

It's a good thing, too, as I still have much to learn when it comes to donuts. I didn't even know some of these flavors existed.