Heaven On Earth With An Onion Slice

[robblerobble]

It starts with strange, mop-like creatures that smell of french fries setting up a boombox outside the local burger place. With a click, the boombox starts playing a song on repeat.

And then, with a burst of smoke that smells like cooked beef, appears the famous no-goodnik, THE HAMBURGLAR. Strutting inside the restaurant, he makes a dramatic flourish with his cape, declaiming grandly.

"Cheeseburger, robble robble!"

Behind him, his two Fry Guy minions skate inside, doing their best to look threatening. This is a stickup, diners! ALL YOUR BURGERS ARE BELONG TO HIM.

Comments

[number1_kerbal]

Correction Fry Guys. This USED TO BE the local burger place-now it's used as a deep-space tracking relay station/kitchen by the Venture Space Program. So what used to be the dining room is full of computers and machines of every vintage from late 50s to the ultra-modern.

They're still making some burgers in back, but most of the kitchen is gone to computers too, and only a single griddle remains, well isolated from the rest of the operation.

[I swear to god, McMoons is a real thing. ]

[terrorwhatflaps]

Drake's favorite lunch place wasn't exactly Hamburger Hippo, but it was close enough to cut the mustard, so to speak. He'd just been about to order when the cloud of smoke appeared, and, well. Hey. That was his trademark, thank you very much. As the other diners did that usual civilian "flipping out indignantly" thing, he slipped into the restroom.

Moments later, a bloom of blue smoke appeared on the ordering counter. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the extra pickles on the double quarter pounder of justice! I ... am Darkwiiiiiiiiing Duck! And you and your pom-poms can cheerlead for crime somewhere ELSE, you stripe-d swindler!"

[robblerobble]

Pah! Who cares about space?! ARE THERE BURGERS IN SPACE?!

Answer: no.

The Hamburglar is here only for the burgers, AND HE WILL HAVE THEM.

[robblerobble]

Shouldn't have left your burger unattended, Darkwing - The Hamburglar has already stolen all the civilian's burgers using his Burger Speed, but a hero's burger?

That has a special savor that DEMANDS he sit down and eat it with a knife and fork.

"Robble robble!"

At his command, the Fry Guys launch themselves at Darkwing in a Double Fry Roller Kick!

[number1_kerbal]

Well, there's not many burgers. Just three sitting on the counter with fries and milkshakes. Hmmm, why are there only three of them?

"Hey, what's all the commotion int here?" Oh, the three hungry astronauts might be a clue. One of them looks timid, and one looks baffled-but one is clearly not liking what he sees.

[robblerobble]

BURGER SPEED ACTIVATE

The three burgers are shoved in a paper sack, and the fries are thrown to the minions.

"Robble robble!"

NYAH NYAH NAH NAH

[number1_kerbal]

"Hey, that's our lunch! Come on Bill, Bob, let's get this guy!"

The three astronauts, powered by hunger, stand up for themselves-they're all a little short, but they've been working all morning in a swimming pool and came for their burgers. And they're going to get their burgers!

It certainly was nice that the Hamburglar had wrapped the burgers up before putting them in the sack though, so there was still a chance they might be eddible after the fight. Bill and Jeb charged-while Bill had the clarity of mind to draw his Regulation Buck Rodgers laser pistol.

[redfleurette]

"How cute!! Are you the new mascot? Hey hey—"

Who'd notice the burst of smoke when there are mop-like creatures to fawn over and paw at?

"Hey, can I have a picture? Please? Pretty please?"

[robblerobble]

Okay. Angry Astronauts: Not A Threat.

Laser Pistol: A Threat.

Mostly because lasers and burgers are non-mixy things, but details.

Here is how the Hamburglar deals with threats: THE KETCHUP BAZOOKA.

Taste the sticky red bullets of CRIME, astronauts!

[robblerobble]

The two Fry Guys look at each other, rustling in conversation before turning back to the girl and nodding. A tripod and a camera on a timer are produced from...somewhere, and now all that's left is to strike a cool pose!

Meanwhile, The Hamburglar has already stolen all the burgers inside the place with Burger Speed and is waiting on the Fry Guys.

[number1_kerbal]

Because he's a big oaf and it's his job to take such things to the face, Bob winds up blundering into the path of the Ketchup Bazooka. Bill, on the other hand, with his laser gun, flinches away and dives for cover.

But Jebediah Kerman is too cool for astronaut school, and he doesn't flinch away from his sworn mission of punching this burger-thief in his big plastic looking mug.

[robblerobble]

Jebediah is too close for the Ketchup Bazooka to be used; the precious burgers could get caught in the blast!

So instead the Hamburglar drops the bazooka and draws out his holdout weapons: the Mustard Derringers.

The yellow stains of VILLAINY will never be washed out!

[number1_kerbal]

...actually, these space suits are coated with Teflon(tm), so that will totally wash off. And Jeb's too hungry to notice the mustard covering the front of his suit now, not when his lunch is within his grasp!

Still I mean, maybe the mustard is more threatening that the squeeze bottles would indicate. Maybe.

[redfleurette]

Yay! She runs up to the Fry Guys and poses for the picture, and then whips out her phone for another one. "Thanks~!"

She's checking to make sure the picture turned out all right on her phone when she finally looks up and notices The Hamburglar. "Hi! Are you friends?"

[robblerobble]

No, it's pretty much just mustard.

Being fired directly at his helmet, but still.

[robblerobble]

"Robble robble!"

They are his INDISPENSABLE SIDEKICKS, madame.

Just give him a second to take out his pen and pluck the Polaroid from the camera.

"Robble robble?"

Who should this COMMEMORATIVE PHOTOGRAPH be signed to, madame?

[number1_kerbal]

Well it's a good thing Jeb's got his helmet on then! One, it keeps the mustard out of his eyes. And two-it keeps his hands free to whack the Hamburgler across the jaw with two-fisted action, just like in the movies.

[redfleurette]

Oh no! She doesn't speak Robble! Fortunately, that's easy to remedy! "Honey Flash!"

And now there's a new Fry Guy.

"Robble robble!" Make it out to Honey!

[robblerobble]

As the Hamburglar goes skidding back, he tosses the paper sack to the Fry Guys and holsters the Mustard Derringers before taking out the Ketchup Bazooka again.

He can't fire it, of course, but it makes a dandy club.

[robblerobble]

"Robble robble!"

My, but that's unusual.

Anyway, the photo is quickly signed - To Honey - keep smiling! From HAMBURGLAR AND THE FRY GUYS

[anachronisticbilliards]

So Shirogane was sitting there in that booth, eating his burger and minding his own business when suddenly that happens. What. Just...what.

He may look like your average dumbfounded diner, but while one hand remains firmly gripping the cheeseburger he was about to take a big bite of, another casually reaches into his pocket and drops what might be a largish marble. He quietly and gently kicks it away, dumbfounded look still directed at this spectacle.

The marble rolls off to rest behind a trash can, where it then resolves itself into the form of a robot wolf. Said wolf is just waiting to see what happens next before letting the Fry Guy fur fly.

[robblerobble]

What happens next is BURGER SPEED, as the Hamburglar turns into a striped blur, snatching every burger in the restaurant, wrapping them in paper, and tossing them into a sack.

Burger Speed: Also known as Best Speed.

[anachronisticbilliards]

"Hey!" The cheeseburger he was about to eat is now in Hamburglar's sack, and now Shirogane is cheesed off.

But at least now the robot wolf Shirogane loosed is about to make his move. It's charging out from behind one of those trash cans and lunging at the nearest Fry Guy.

While GaoWolf provides that distraction, Shirogane's whipping out what looks like a cell phone and running for the bathroom. He looks like nothing more than a civilian about to call the cops, but if he can just get himself a bit of privacy, he's going to transform so he can join in the fight, too.

[number1_kerbal]

"Ow! Quit clowning around you two, get those burgers back!" Bill and Bob finally recover enough courage and clarity from their leader's orders to draw their attention to the Fry Guys even as Jebediah tries to grapple with the Hamburglar and wrestle him to the ground. The Fry Guys will find that Bill's aim is poor-but only because his hands are trembling with fear and there's no telling if he'll pull that trigger or not if anyone makes any sudden moves.

[robblerobble]

Hahaha, like Hamburglar cares about the cops. No, he's just going to use his Burger Strength to whip a cash register at that robot wolf menacing his minions.