Heaven On Earth With An Onion Slice

[robblerobble]

It starts with strange, mop-like creatures that smell of french fries setting up a boombox outside the local burger place. With a click, the boombox starts playing a song on repeat.

And then, with a burst of smoke that smells like cooked beef, appears the famous no-goodnik, THE HAMBURGLAR. Strutting inside the restaurant, he makes a dramatic flourish with his cape, declaiming grandly.

"Cheeseburger, robble robble!"

Behind him, his two Fry Guy minions skate inside, doing their best to look threatening. This is a stickup, diners! ALL YOUR BURGERS ARE BELONG TO HIM.

Comments

[number1_kerbal]

Correction Fry Guys. This USED TO BE the local burger place-now it's used as a deep-space tracking relay station/kitchen by the Venture Space Program. So what used to be the dining room is full of computers and machines of every vintage from late 50s to the ultra-modern.

They're still making some burgers in back, but most of the kitchen is gone to computers too, and only a single griddle remains, well isolated from the rest of the operation.

[I swear to god, McMoons is a real thing. ]

[robblerobble]

Pah! Who cares about space?! ARE THERE BURGERS IN SPACE?!

Answer: no.

The Hamburglar is here only for the burgers, AND HE WILL HAVE THEM.

[number1_kerbal]

Well, there's not many burgers. Just three sitting on the counter with fries and milkshakes. Hmmm, why are there only three of them?

"Hey, what's all the commotion int here?" Oh, the three hungry astronauts might be a clue. One of them looks timid, and one looks baffled-but one is clearly not liking what he sees.

[robblerobble]

BURGER SPEED ACTIVATE

The three burgers are shoved in a paper sack, and the fries are thrown to the minions.

"Robble robble!"

NYAH NYAH NAH NAH

[terrorwhatflaps]

Drake's favorite lunch place wasn't exactly Hamburger Hippo, but it was close enough to cut the mustard, so to speak. He'd just been about to order when the cloud of smoke appeared, and, well. Hey. That was his trademark, thank you very much. As the other diners did that usual civilian "flipping out indignantly" thing, he slipped into the restroom.

Moments later, a bloom of blue smoke appeared on the ordering counter. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the extra pickles on the double quarter pounder of justice! I ... am Darkwiiiiiiiiing Duck! And you and your pom-poms can cheerlead for crime somewhere ELSE, you stripe-d swindler!"

[robblerobble]

Shouldn't have left your burger unattended, Darkwing - The Hamburglar has already stolen all the civilian's burgers using his Burger Speed, but a hero's burger?

That has a special savor that DEMANDS he sit down and eat it with a knife and fork.

"Robble robble!"

At his command, the Fry Guys launch themselves at Darkwing in a Double Fry Roller Kick!

[stalksindarkness]

Having just entered just in time to have lunch with a show, all eyes were on the talking walking duck, and not on him. His focus turned to the Hamburgler who seemed to be the instigator, and the fry guys who were attacking the masked Mallard.

Shadow moved towards the table where the Hamburgler had sat at, making a bee line right for his sack of goodies. He stuck his head right in and went to town on the half eaten meat patties.

Free food!

[terrorwhatflaps]

Darkwing was prepared for a proper goon brawl, however, and leapt deftly over the impending Fry Guy. He did a rather impressive flip in the process, then landed and attempted a well placed Web Kick at the poofy thug's back.

"Heeee-YA-hoi!"

Hopefully he noticed his own disappearing burger soon... or, you know. The lion....

[redfleurette]

"How cute!! Are you the new mascot? Hey hey—"

Who'd notice the burst of smoke when there are mop-like creatures to fawn over and paw at?

"Hey, can I have a picture? Please? Pretty please?"

[robblerobble]

The two Fry Guys look at each other, rustling in conversation before turning back to the girl and nodding. A tripod and a camera on a timer are produced from...somewhere, and now all that's left is to strike a cool pose!

Meanwhile, The Hamburglar has already stolen all the burgers inside the place with Burger Speed and is waiting on the Fry Guys.

[redfleurette]

Yay! She runs up to the Fry Guys and poses for the picture, and then whips out her phone for another one. "Thanks~!"

She's checking to make sure the picture turned out all right on her phone when she finally looks up and notices The Hamburglar. "Hi! Are you friends?"

[robblerobble]

"Robble robble!"

They are his INDISPENSABLE SIDEKICKS, madame.

Just give him a second to take out his pen and pluck the Polaroid from the camera.

"Robble robble?"

Who should this COMMEMORATIVE PHOTOGRAPH be signed to, madame?

[anachronisticbilliards]

So Shirogane was sitting there in that booth, eating his burger and minding his own business when suddenly that happens. What. Just...what.

He may look like your average dumbfounded diner, but while one hand remains firmly gripping the cheeseburger he was about to take a big bite of, another casually reaches into his pocket and drops what might be a largish marble. He quietly and gently kicks it away, dumbfounded look still directed at this spectacle.

The marble rolls off to rest behind a trash can, where it then resolves itself into the form of a robot wolf. Said wolf is just waiting to see what happens next before letting the Fry Guy fur fly.

[robblerobble]

What happens next is BURGER SPEED, as the Hamburglar turns into a striped blur, snatching every burger in the restaurant, wrapping them in paper, and tossing them into a sack.

Burger Speed: Also known as Best Speed.

[anachronisticbilliards]

"Hey!" The cheeseburger he was about to eat is now in Hamburglar's sack, and now Shirogane is cheesed off.

But at least now the robot wolf Shirogane loosed is about to make his move. It's charging out from behind one of those trash cans and lunging at the nearest Fry Guy.

While GaoWolf provides that distraction, Shirogane's whipping out what looks like a cell phone and running for the bathroom. He looks like nothing more than a civilian about to call the cops, but if he can just get himself a bit of privacy, he's going to transform so he can join in the fight, too.

[robblerobble]

Hahaha, like Hamburglar cares about the cops. No, he's just going to use his Burger Strength to whip a cash register at that robot wolf menacing his minions.

[tiny_revolutionary]

Shinmyoumaru liked to indulge a bit in large people food on occasion. Is that so wrong?

So when a weird guy in a striped outfit suddenly busts into the joint demanding their burgers, she stares for a moment... and then promptly shrinks herself and her burger down to teeny size. You're getting her burger over her dead body!

[robblerobble]

After the customary Burger Speed snatch, the Hamburglar is standing in the center of the room, looking somewhat confused.

"Cheeseburger?"

He doesn't understand. His Burger Sense is telling him he missed a burger, but...where is burger?

[tiny_revolutionary]

Burger is currently getting snarfed down with a complete lack of royal decorum.

Having successfully evaded the burgery grasp of the villain, Shinmyoumaru leapt down from her now giant seat, rushing over to the becaped villain and promptly giving him a nasty prick in the calf with her needle sword. Okay, fighty times is now!

[bun_bun_maru]

Nasty Burger: What it lacks in quality it makes up for with its mediocre service. But hey, it's a cheap place to grab lunch, and we can't all afford Hamburger in Paradise.

Most people do something along the lines of panicking at the sight of this mysterious burger-themed supervillain. But where others see chaos, Aya sees SCOOP.

Turning around to use her booth like a chest-high wall in a World War II video game, Aya starts taking mad pictures of Hamburglar. However, she's got her back turned on her Southwest Burger...

[robblerobble]

A blur of black and white is all the warning Aya receives before the Hamburglar vanishes from the camera view.

"Robble robble."

And then he's behind her, holding her burger as he poses for the camera.

[bun_bun_maru]

Now it's personal.

"Oh, no you don't! I paid like five bucks for that thing!"

I COULDN'T RESIST

[magistermentium]

[Well.
Bill can't exactly say he was expecting this when he decided to have lunch at a '50s-style diner today. Although he doesn't find this nearly as weird as you might think. It's more along the lines of mild surprise.... and that's not necessarily a bad thing.
The man in the eyepatch, gold and black faux-tuxedo t-shirt and black jeans turns around in his booth as one of the pom-pom monsters passes by.]

Hey, small fry!

[Grinning, he pyrokinetically forms a blue fireball in his hand, before tossing it at the minion.]

Try not to get overcooked! AHAHAHAHA~!

[This is gonna be WAY more fun than an ordinary lunch.]

[robblerobble]

The Fry Guy, currently a Frying Guy, skates frantically around the diner, scattering small flames everywhere.

The other one goes to headbutt Weird Fire Guy right in his dumb face.

[magistermentium]

GO LONG!

[Bill stands up on his seat and punts the incoming Fry Guy, kicking him across the diner. Forming another fireball, he throws it another of the mops with legs, laughing again. He's having a blast, though if this keeps up someone might need to call the fire department...]